


Train Station Cats

by Titty_Now_Titty_Later (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kenma isn't really in this tbh, M/M, Sick Fic, but he's still very pissed off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Titty_Now_Titty_Later
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rule one of living in the city: don't touch train station cats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Train Station Cats

**Author's Note:**

> I had lunch with my brother today and he told me this wild story about how his gf patted a train station cat.

Tetsurou’s phone was ringing. He didn’t particularly want to look at it, but it could have been Kenma calling to tell him he’d developed more symptoms. Tetsurou didn’t want to think about any situation where Kenma would  _ call  _ him rather than simply text. As it was he checked the ID anyway and the worried, frustrated pinch of his mouth twisted into a slightly-less-worried smirk. 

“Oho?” he greeted as soon as he answered the call, eyes drifting back to the shelf in front of him. 

“Ohoho,” Bokuto returned smugly from the other end. “How are you doing, my man? How’s Kenma settling in?” he asked, jumping right into an overexcited line of questioning.

Tetsurou sighed and his frown settled back in. “Well I mean, it’s  _ fine,  _ it’s just… He’s settling in alright, he just…” He averted his eyes from the store worker who was walking past him for the third time and his voice lowered into an indecipherable mumble.

“Oh shit,” Bokuto exclaimed in his ear. “Is he sick? Is he  _ dead?  _ Wait-” He cut himself off briefly and when his voice returned it was in a loud, excited whisper. “Are you two  _ fucking?” _

Tetsurou’s startled yelp did nothing to assuage Bokuto’s fears and he had to raise his voice slightly to be heard over his friends yells. “No Bokuto -  _ no,  _ not at all, I -  _ no.  _ No, we’re not…” He glanced around the shop quickly and lowered his voice into a harsh whisper. “We’re not  _ doing it,  _ okay? We’re not even - he’s not - look just because  _ you  _ got with your gorgeous-high-school-second-year-setter crush, doesn’t mean that’s just how these things  _ go!”  _ he reprimanded finally, huffing and hoping his blush - a mixture of frustration and embarrassment - wasn’t too apparent to the worker eyeing him worriedly. 

“Babe did you hear that?” Tetsurou heard Bokuto’s voice faintly, as though he’d pulled away from the phone to speak. He didn’t hear whatever Akaashi’s response was but he could guess it was something scathing along the lines of, “How would I have heard it? You’re not on loudspeaker,” because the next thing Tetsurou heard was Bokuto asking, “Do you want it on loudspeaker?”

He was pretty certain Akaashi’s response matched his vehement, “Bokuto  _ no, don’t  _ put me on loudspeaker!” because Bokuto himself only groaned and muttered, “Fine, whatever. Your loss.”

“How’s  _ that  _ going?” he asked, trying to distract Bokuto from he and Kenma’s situation while he continued to scan the shelf for something that would help his new roommate. 

“It’s great!” Bokuto exclaimed, easily following where Tetsurou led him. “I think if I keep asking for a couple more weeks he’ll cave and move in with me.” There was a muffled thump and Tetsurou heard Akaashi’s unimpressed voice. He surmised that Akaashi had in fact belted his boyfriend over the head with a pillow. “Okay, maybe not,” Bokuto corrected himself, sounding chastised. “Like it  _ would  _ be more convenient but the rent’s a bit high for couples, so…” He trailed off with what Tetsurou guessed was a shrug. “But anyway,” he said, perking up, “sounds like you and Kenma ran into a few problems.”

Tetsurou sighed quietly and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, agitating the already untamed mess. “Nah, well… Yeah kinda,” he folded, propping the hand on his hip and giving the shelf another once-over. Why there had to be so many different brands, he would never know. 

“Shit man, what happened?” Bokuto demanded, coming to attention.

“Oh, it’s nothing too…” Tetsurou hummed, plucking a boxed tube from the shelf and quickly reading over the back. “Like, he’s not  _ dying  _ or anything,” he amended guiltily. 

“Kuroo,” Bokuto said with severity, “what did you  _ do?” _

“I didn’t do anything!” Tetsurou defended, putting that box back and crouching to look at something lower on the shelf. “I tried to  _ stop  _ him, but it was a cat so of  _ course  _ he had to go and-”

“Did you let Kenma get mauled by a cat?” Bokuto gasped, astounded.  _ “Kuroo!” _

_ “No!”  _ Tetsurou refuted, holding up a placating hand as though Bokuto were in front of him. “No, no, no!  _ No.  _ He’s not, like, bleeding out or anything. He hasn’t got rabies or tetanus, he’s  _ fine,  _ he just… y’know…”

“No I  _ don’t  _ know, Kuroo,” Bokuto reminded. 

“He just  _ patted  _ it!” Tetsurou exclaimed loudly, immediately looking sheepishly at the worker who glanced at him worriedly. “He found a scraggly cat,” he explained, voice low to avoid the attention of everyone in the pharmacy glaring daggers at him, “and I was all like ‘don’t pat that cat, Kenma,’ but he  _ did  _ and he patted it right on its bald patch and now he has a fungal infection.”

There was silence, and then a strange huffing sound coming from Bokuto. Tetsurou’s eyes narrowed dangerously. 

“Are you  _ laughing?”  _ he hissed angrily. 

_ “No!”  _ Bokuto gasped out amidst a pile of chuckles he couldn’t hold in. “No, I’m… So he has a  _ fungal infection?  _ From touching a stray cat?”

“Yeah, I mean it obviously had  _ something  _ or its fur would have been there, and now whatever it was infected with Kenma has. He’s probably going to murder me when he finds out I told you,” Tetsurou said sadly. 

“What does he look like?” Bokuto choked out.

Tetsurou sighed in frustration but the corner of his mouth twitched up against his will. “I’m  _ not  _ sending you pictures. He really will kill me. But he’s got like red patches all on his face cause he touched the fungus cat and then touched his face with the fungus hand.”

“Hear that, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked gleefully for the second time. 

Tetsurou heard a distinctive snicker and grimaced, wondering when Bokuto had decided to put him on speakerphone after all. 

“Rule one of the city,” he continued in his smug Senpai voice, “Don’t touch train station cats. They have fungus and you might die.”

“He’s not going to die,” Tetsurou sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to find a cream for him to put on it now.”

“Well, if there’s one way to win his affections,” he heard Akaashi say from a distance, “it would be to take care of him when he’s at his lowest. God knows I wish it didn’t work as well as it does,” he sighed.

Tetsurou snorted out a laugh while Bokuto chimed in, offended,  _ “Akaashi!  _ I thought you did that because you  _ loved  _ me?”

“I did it because you’re completely unbearable when you’re sad,” Akaashi corrected but Tetsurou wasn’t sure that he was actually refuting anything Bokuto had said. 

“No love,” Bokuto sighed, forlorn. “Hear that, Kuroo? No love.”

Tetsurou snorted and muttered, “Right, sure.” With a weary sigh he picked one of the topical creams from the shelf and stood. “I’d better hurry back. Kenma gets annoyed when he’s sick - even if it’s not like a cold or anything - so I still have to go to the supermarket and get some apple pie or something to cheer him up.”

Bokuto made a small cooing sound but stopped when Tetsurou supposed Akaashi smacked him lightly over the back of the head with a muttered, “Shut up, Kou.”

“I’ll text you,” he assured while he made his way to the counter. “We’ll catch up once Kenma’s feeling better.”

“Sounds good, Tetsu,” Bokuto chimed and Akaashi hummed his agreement in the background.

“Catch you, Bo,” he said and pulled the phone away from his ear to hang up. 

It was a quick affair to pay for the cream and find a frozen pie in the supermarket next to the pharmacy. It was as he was walking home that he got a text from Kenma.

When he opened it, it was just an image. A screenshot. A-

_ “Oh…”  _ he whispered to himself tensely. A screenshot of a text from Bokuto’s number, telling him to feel better soon so the four of them could hang out. A fucking-

Face stony, he forwarded the picture to Bokuto with the message,  _ If he lets me live the night knowing that I told you he was sick, just know that I’m coming after you first.  _

Less than a minute later he got a response.  _ Did I fuck up?? O.O _

_ Yeah. Yeah, you did.  _

**Author's Note:**

> rip kuroo he was a good man


End file.
